Are You Dating a Narcissist? Seven Red Flags Not to Miss

AddThis Social Bookmark Button

With an increasing number of people using dating apps and websites to meet that someone special, a relatable pattern is emerging. You see the lead photo; You're attracted. You read the profile . . even better . .  a brief description and you're hooked.

Soon emboldened, you reach out. You exchange emails, all looks good, at least the punctuation is in the right place. You text. Maybe you'll speak briefly and by then it is a long term modern relationship. So the next and obvious step, the agreed meeting. You're hitting it off. Could it get better, Things seem great. However, it seems almost too good to be true. Is it?

According to Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a NYC based licensed clinical psychologist, teaching faculty member at the prestigious Columbia University Teacher's College and the founder and Clinical Director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services, narcissists are everywhere and in varying degrees. She explains that the current "swipe right" dating culture only feeds their agenda, it's important to understand who they are and how to spot them.

What is narcissism?

Many mental health specialists agree that narcissism is basically an individual who has an excessive interest or admiration of a false self they created to cope with early hurts as children. "Narcissists are disconnected from their true selves and are constantly working to appear better than others. They have an idealized self-image and are in love with that image which hides their true wounded self," says Hafeez.

Dr. Hafeez shares some "red flag" characteristics of narcissists along with tips and insights that can spare many people the heartache and mental anguish that comes with dating a narcissist.

1. Narcissists are off the charts charming. 

They are incredibly upbeat and bombard you with compliments. Immediately you are captivated by them and their focus on you. They have quick wit, can read people and know what to say to make them feel good. "Narcissists are great at building rapport quickly; however, they are doing so to serve themselves first and foremost. In other words, they feed off the attention, admiration and validation of others so they charm with an agenda," cautions Dr. Hafeez.

2. In their mind, it's really all about them. 

The interesting thing about the narcissist is that they make it seem as if they are interested in you however they will always turn the conversation and back to them. "These are not team players. They look to their partner to be the source of their happiness and much of that happiness comes from getting approval or even sympathy," explains Dr. Hafeez. "Early on in their childhoods the narcissist didn't get the nurturing they needed to feel secure. They were neglected or made to feel as if they were bad, so they spend their time and energy showing how great they are," she adds.

3. Rules don't apply to the entitled narcissist.

They're most likely to have a handicap tag hanging from the rearview mirror of their Porsche. When asked about the handicapped tag they'll launch into a descriptive, detailed 20-minute story about how they injured their knee, entitling them to the handicapped tag. They want to gain your sympathy. Other rule breaking behaviors, disobeying traffic laws, parking illegally in front of places leaving you waiting as they quickly "run in," cutting lines, and even stealing. "They truly believe the world revolves around them and expect others to cater to their needs. This is due to needs being unmet earlier in life," says Dr. Hafeez.

4. They disrespect boundaries. Be mindful of your boundaries!

Narcissists will do things like invade your physical space, borrow or take belongings or even money without returning or repayment. They break promises without remorse and may even blame the victim. "Protecting your boundaries is incredibly important when dealing with a narcissist. When over stepping is permitted, it leads to codependence and a lost sense of self," warns Dr. Hafeez.

5. They look great on the surface.

Their desire to impress others may lead them to a lot of time and money on their physical appearance. They are all about status and achievement. They'll brag about their education, their possessions, who they know, their accomplishments and typically, it's exaggerated. "This again stems from the desire of approval. They care what others think of them so much that they use people and situations to fuel the false self they created," explains Dr. Hafeez.

6. They'll disappear like a ghost and you'll feel discarded.

Narcissists will put you on a pedestal as they complement and charm you. You will feel incredibly special, caught up on their intent gaze upon you. However, once they see you're just as interested in your own well-being, that you're protective of your boundaries, that you have other interests and put them in their place; they swiftly move on. When they see you won't allow manipulation, they disappear and will be incredibly cold. They may even give the silent treatment and blame you. 

7. Their past relationships are all drama.

They will make it seem like their exes were all crazy, will share horror stories and make you feel as if you are the best thing they found. They paint themselves as the victim and may add that their ex still wants them. "Pay very close attention to how the person speaks about their past relationships," advises Dr. Haffeez. "Narcissists typically won't keep answers brief, positive and forward moving when it comes to past relationships," she adds.

About the Doctor:

Dr. Sanam Hafeez PsyD is a NYC based licensed clinical psychologist, teaching faculty member at the prestigious Columbia University Teacher's College and the founder and Clinical Director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services, P.C. a neuropsychological, developmental and educational center in Manhattan and Queens. 

Dr. Hafeez masterfully applies her years of experience connecting psychological implications to address some of today's common issues such as body image, social media addiction, relationships, workplace stress, parenting and psychopathology (bipolar, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, etc…). In addition, Dr. Hafeez works with individuals who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), learning disabilities, attention and memory problems, and abuse. Dr. Hafeez often shares her credible expertise to various news outlets in New York City and frequently appears on CNN and Dr.Oz.

Connect with her via twitter @comprehendMind or www.comprehendthemind.com 

Haute Tease

  • Paris Fashion Week Coverage LASKARIS Fall/Winter 2017/18 Couture Collection - Prism

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    The PRISM is the key that opens the door to the collection of the Greek designer Laskaris. A journey to a surreal world, where the dream is omnipresent, the act of creation is spontaneous, and paradoxically anchored in the present.

     
  • MI Arts: Extraordinary Circumstances: The Presidency of Gerald R. Ford - A Photography Exhibition

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    Pulitzer Prize winning and presidential photographer David Hume Kennerly's exhibit "Extraordinary Circumstances: The Presidency of Gerald R. Ford" will be on display for the first time at the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Museum in Grand Rapids, Michigan. 

     
  • Beltway Insider: Zimmerman Acquitted; Malala Address UN; House Paves Way to Cut Food Stamps; DHS Napolitano Resigns

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    President Obama in a statement addressed the nation and called for calm in the wake of the verdict vindicating George Zimmerman of murdering Trayvon Martin and asked Americans to reflect and honor Martin’s memory.  

     
  • Beltway Insider: Obama Top Ten List Reviewed; Economy/Climate; ObamaCare; Terror; Cuba/Asia; Bob Iger

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    President Obama unveiled his Top Ten list of "Reasons to be Optimistic in 2016", as he and his family and most elected officials head home for the holidays, the heart of America is still wounded and shaken.

     
  • Beltway Insider: Clinton to Testify; December Job Numbers; Lawmakers Buy Time with Soft Deal; Sandy Hook Students Back

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    The Obama White House, led by Vice President Biden, and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, rejoiced over bi-partisan deal that averted the possibility of a fiscal cliff tumble and government meltdown.

     
  • Walt Disney Pictures Hosts Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Global Premiere

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, a fast action, high seas, comedic adventure from Walt Disney Pictures and Jerry Bruckheimer Films, recently hosted its world premiere at Disneyland in Anaheim, California. 

     
  • Europe Strong - Still and Always

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    If Brexit was able to threaten the unity of the European Union, it appears three years after the British referendum the political Europe knew how to preserve its initial design by sending back Britain to its contradictions.

     
  • Extraterrestrial Review – Great Scary Fun from The Vicious Brothers

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    “Extraterrestrial,” from IFC Midnight Films, pits campy horror with heightened suspense and pulls off a winning foray into the Extraterrestrial, life on other planets, Area 51 horror space with authentic performances, credible special effects, and a realistic story.

     
  • Celebrity Interview: Lorenzo di Bonaventura: A Hit Producing Machine

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    SALT, the espionage thriller from Sony Entertainment and Columbia Pictures, starring Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber and Chiwetel Ejiofor is savoring a summer of sweet success as it retains its box office flavor.

     
  • While We’re Young Review – A Fresh Comedic Middle Age Drama

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    While We’re Young, from Scott Rudin Productions and A24, brings to the screen an engaging comedic drama filled with culture clashes, passion points and middle aged awakenings pairing realistic dialogue with very real situations to deliver a charming, appealing, back to the future trip.

     
  • Ratchet & Clank Review - Charming, Thrilling, Fun Space Age Animation

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    Ratchet & Clank, from Gramercy Pictures, presents an intergalactic space battle of epic proportions in a galaxy far, far, away, as two unlikely companions become heroes and with the new found fame face challenges that could bring cataclysmic disaster.

     
  • CHI-RAQ Review - Spike Lee’s Timely Gangland Gun Violence Pic Hits a Bulls Eye

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    CHI-RAQ, from Spike Lee and Roadside Attractions, presents a poignant, and unfortunately timely, tale on gun violence using Chicago’s South Side as ground zero in America’s newest internal war, a deadly plague, which daily and indiscriminately kills.

     
  • Baruch Fraternity Members Face Charges in PA Murder Case

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    Pocono County prosecutors have announced the intent to bring charges against all thirty of the Pi Delta Psi Fraternity members present the night pledge Chun Hsien Deng was killed in a hazing ritual in rural Tunkhannock Township, Pennsylvania.

     
  • NYBFW ’18 Mark Zunino - Celebrity Designer Unveils Debut Bridal Collection

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    Renowned fashion designer, Mark Zunino, debuted his namesake bridal collection yesterday at New York Bridal Fashion Week. The premiere bridal collection, inspired by global unification and Hollywood glamour, will be available in stores worldwide starting February 2018.

     
  • Summer Gift Guide 2016: Seven Hot Items Guaranteed to Make the Living Easy

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    Memorial Day ushers in the traditional summer season and why not gear up with items that’ll make life easy? Here are my hot product picks for fashionistas, functional decorators, Tech-Geeks and travel junkies that’ll please and appease in the months ahead.

 

Login Form