Login Form

Are You Dating a Narcissist? Seven Red Flags Not to Miss

AddThis Social Bookmark Button

With an increasing number of people using dating apps and websites to meet that someone special, a relatable pattern is emerging. You see the lead photo; You're attracted. You read the profile . . even better . .  a brief description and you're hooked.

Soon emboldened, you reach out. You exchange emails, all looks good, at least the punctuation is in the right place. You text. Maybe you'll speak briefly and by then it is a long term modern relationship. So the next and obvious step, the agreed meeting. You're hitting it off. Could it get better, Things seem great. However, it seems almost too good to be true. Is it?

According to Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a NYC based licensed clinical psychologist, teaching faculty member at the prestigious Columbia University Teacher's College and the founder and Clinical Director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services, narcissists are everywhere and in varying degrees. She explains that the current "swipe right" dating culture only feeds their agenda, it's important to understand who they are and how to spot them.

What is narcissism?

Many mental health specialists agree that narcissism is basically an individual who has an excessive interest or admiration of a false self they created to cope with early hurts as children. "Narcissists are disconnected from their true selves and are constantly working to appear better than others. They have an idealized self-image and are in love with that image which hides their true wounded self," says Hafeez.

Dr. Hafeez shares some "red flag" characteristics of narcissists along with tips and insights that can spare many people the heartache and mental anguish that comes with dating a narcissist.

1. Narcissists are off the charts charming. 

They are incredibly upbeat and bombard you with compliments. Immediately you are captivated by them and their focus on you. They have quick wit, can read people and know what to say to make them feel good. "Narcissists are great at building rapport quickly; however, they are doing so to serve themselves first and foremost. In other words, they feed off the attention, admiration and validation of others so they charm with an agenda," cautions Dr. Hafeez.

2. In their mind, it's really all about them. 

The interesting thing about the narcissist is that they make it seem as if they are interested in you however they will always turn the conversation and back to them. "These are not team players. They look to their partner to be the source of their happiness and much of that happiness comes from getting approval or even sympathy," explains Dr. Hafeez. "Early on in their childhoods the narcissist didn't get the nurturing they needed to feel secure. They were neglected or made to feel as if they were bad, so they spend their time and energy showing how great they are," she adds.

3. Rules don't apply to the entitled narcissist.

They're most likely to have a handicap tag hanging from the rearview mirror of their Porsche. When asked about the handicapped tag they'll launch into a descriptive, detailed 20-minute story about how they injured their knee, entitling them to the handicapped tag. They want to gain your sympathy. Other rule breaking behaviors, disobeying traffic laws, parking illegally in front of places leaving you waiting as they quickly "run in," cutting lines, and even stealing. "They truly believe the world revolves around them and expect others to cater to their needs. This is due to needs being unmet earlier in life," says Dr. Hafeez.

4. They disrespect boundaries. Be mindful of your boundaries!

Narcissists will do things like invade your physical space, borrow or take belongings or even money without returning or repayment. They break promises without remorse and may even blame the victim. "Protecting your boundaries is incredibly important when dealing with a narcissist. When over stepping is permitted, it leads to codependence and a lost sense of self," warns Dr. Hafeez.

5. They look great on the surface.

Their desire to impress others may lead them to a lot of time and money on their physical appearance. They are all about status and achievement. They'll brag about their education, their possessions, who they know, their accomplishments and typically, it's exaggerated. "This again stems from the desire of approval. They care what others think of them so much that they use people and situations to fuel the false self they created," explains Dr. Hafeez.

6. They'll disappear like a ghost and you'll feel discarded.

Narcissists will put you on a pedestal as they complement and charm you. You will feel incredibly special, caught up on their intent gaze upon you. However, once they see you're just as interested in your own well-being, that you're protective of your boundaries, that you have other interests and put them in their place; they swiftly move on. When they see you won't allow manipulation, they disappear and will be incredibly cold. They may even give the silent treatment and blame you. 

7. Their past relationships are all drama.

They will make it seem like their exes were all crazy, will share horror stories and make you feel as if you are the best thing they found. They paint themselves as the victim and may add that their ex still wants them. "Pay very close attention to how the person speaks about their past relationships," advises Dr. Haffeez. "Narcissists typically won't keep answers brief, positive and forward moving when it comes to past relationships," she adds.

About the Doctor:

Dr. Sanam Hafeez PsyD is a NYC based licensed clinical psychologist, teaching faculty member at the prestigious Columbia University Teacher's College and the founder and Clinical Director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services, P.C. a neuropsychological, developmental and educational center in Manhattan and Queens. 

Dr. Hafeez masterfully applies her years of experience connecting psychological implications to address some of today's common issues such as body image, social media addiction, relationships, workplace stress, parenting and psychopathology (bipolar, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, etc…). In addition, Dr. Hafeez works with individuals who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), learning disabilities, attention and memory problems, and abuse. Dr. Hafeez often shares her credible expertise to various news outlets in New York City and frequently appears on CNN and Dr.Oz.

Connect with her via twitter @comprehendMind or www.comprehendthemind.com 

 

Haute Tease

  • One Village Entertainment Presents “The Last Letter”

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    LOS ANGELES – One Village Entertainment, an RLJ Entertainment (NASDAQ: RLJE) brand, brings you “The Last Letter” on DVD and digital download December 17, 2013. “The Last Letter” tells the story of a newly married couple whose relationship is put to the test when the wife’s secretive past comes back to haunt them.

     
  • “The Angry Birds Movie 2” Takes Flight As Columbia Pictures And Rovio Entertainment Set Creative Team; Release Date

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    Following the success of The Angry Birds Movie, which slingshot to $350 million in worldwide box office and launched a global movie brand, Columbia Pictures in association with Rovio Entertainment Ltd. are once again joining forces on the next high-velocity adventure.  

  • Drive-By Shooting Kills Seven

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    Gun fire erupted in the coastal community of Isla Vista, near UC Santa Barbara, in a drive-by shooting that left seven dead and another seven injured in what police are calling a premeditated attack by a disgruntled student.

     
  • Academy’s Tech Council Adds Two New Members

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    Cary Phillips and Dr. Doug Roble have accepted invitations to join the Science and Technology Council of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, bringing the Council’s 2015–2016 membership roster to a total of twenty-five.  

  • Gordon Ramsay Steak Las Vegas Review - A Cut Above

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    Vegas restaurateurs take note: There's a new game in town that has single-handedly elevated the fine steakhouse experience to another level. This is in the form of Gordon Ramsay Steak, which opened in May 2012 aptly at Paris Las Vegas. 

     
  • Father’s Day Gift Guide - Fantastic Gifts For Every Dad

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    As Father’s Day approaches there is serious contemplation on what to get “Dad” that will not only surprise him, but will genuinely delight and excite him. This holiday, demonstrate your present-giving prowess with these fantastic Father’s Day gift ideas.  

  • Eddie V’s San Diego Review – Culinary Forward Seafood

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button

    "America's Finest City" just got a little tastier with the opening of Eddie V's San Diego location, adjacent to the waterfront Seaport Village dining and shopping complex, now serving delicious appetizing deep sea delights guaranteed to satisfy even the most sophisticated palette.

Donate Elite

It's the desire at Haute-Lifestyle.com to keep journalism free. Running a business, however, dictates what is now a common dilemma; a paywall, subscription or donation. Thank you for your donation.